


been lovin' you for quite some time

by onemilliongoldstars



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, PWP, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:16:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5536151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onemilliongoldstars/pseuds/onemilliongoldstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We'll just act..." her eyes flicker to Clarke's shining lips and she feels her voice crack slightly, "normal."</p>
<p>"Right," Clarke's words are only a little breathy, "so... no fucking."</p>
<p>In which Clarke and Lexa end up stuck spending Christmas together with both of their families, desperately trying to hide the fact that they've been having sex for five months. It doesn't help that Lexa is the biggest Grinch in the world and Clarke is determined to make her enjoy the holidays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A little late to the festivities but here you go. This stands okay on its own but I'll likely write another chapter or so, just to round off the story, if people want me to!

" _Fuck_ \- I'm gonna- I'm..." Her body shifts, driving upwards and her fingers tighten just slightly in the mane of dark hair between her legs, fingers curling and palms clenching. Her head falls backwards against the pillow, sweat slicked hair damp against the back of her neck as she crests the wave of her high.

Lips part, lungs scrambling for breath as her eyes fall shut, nothing but darkness and wet heat between her legs. Her orgasm rushes through her, making her quiver as soft, gentle touches ease her down, sucking and kissing gently until she slumps back against the ruined sheets, body rapidly cooling as the sheen of sweat on her skin coaxes gooseflesh to ripple over her. The kisses placed softly to the inside of her thighs pull a long shiver from her body, drawing it out as easily as if she's a marionette and she peels open an eye to peer down through the late afternoon light at where the dark haired woman is looking at her, her head resting against the inside of her thigh, a small smug smile on her shining lips.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself."

Lexa's laugh is deep and soft, like jewel toned velvet and she heaves herself up until she is lying beside Clarke in the bed, drawing the soft blue blanket Clarke keeps in a pile at the bottom of the bed up and over their bare bodies.

"What, four orgasms aren't a good enough Christmas present?"

Clarke can only roll her eyes, huffing softly but unable to keep her eyes away from the girl for long as Lexa stretches out beside her, throwing her hands behind her head and exposing small, pert breasts from beneath the blanket.

"I suppose it'll do," she twists onto her side, leaning up on her elbow to watch as Lexa casts a small smile in her direction. There's something immensely satisfying about pulling a smile from the usually stoic girl and though they've been sleeping together for five months-

(not that Clarke's counting)

\- she still feels a flurry of butterflies at the sight.

"What are you doing for the holidays then?"

Lexa turns back to look at the ceiling of her dorm room again, shrugging against the sheets and running a hand through the errant strands of tangled hair as she says, with disinterest, "studying. I don’t really _do_ Christmas."

Clarke wrinkles her nose, shifting a little closer to make sure Lexa sees her displeasure at her answer, "you're going to study all of the winter break? Won't your family want to spend time with you?"

"I don't think so, seeing as they'll be on another continent." Lexa replies dryly and then, at Clarke's confused expression, explains, "we aren't spending the holidays together. My parents are in Rome on a business trip."

"On _Christmas_?" Clarke sounds aghast and Lexa rolls her eyes, laughing carelessly.

"We're staunch atheists Clarke, Christmas doesn't mean anything to us."

"Yeah but," she splutters over her words, outraged, "we're not exactly the _most_ religious people in the world but my family still get together at Christmas! What about your sister?"

Lexa casts her a sideways glance and Clarke remembers abruptly that Lexa has never mentioned her sister to her, it had only become common knowledge from copious facebook stalking and she flushes at the realisation.

"My sister is spending the holidays with her girlfriend and her family."

"Couldn't you go with her?" Clarke presses on fruitlessly and Lexa sighs heavily, heaving herself up and over until she is straddling the blonde, pushing her firmly back against the mattress in a way that makes Clarke's mouth go dry.  

"I thought we were here to do something _other_ than talk," Lexa swathes a line of kisses down her jaw and though her throat feels tight Clarke ploughs onwards.

"But it's Christmas Lexa, you can't just stay in the dorms and-" She is cut off by the firm press of lips against hers, sucking and nipping until she is left breathless.

"How about I make you a deal, hmm?" Lexa is hovering above her, eyes dark and lips swollen, "you stop talking about the holidays and I'll make it five, okay?"

Clarke wants to protest, _really_ she does, but there's something about the way Lexa starts to descend her body in an almost predatory manner that makes her give up and throw her head back again at the first touch of gentle fingers.

\----

At first she had ignored the occasional groan from the room above hers. The girl on the fourth floor seems to enjoy loud rap music and rough sex, so she invested in good headphones and ear plugs and spent most of her time in the library. Annoyingly though the library is shut for the holidays and so Lexa is stuck in her room, going over her notes on Machiavelli when she hears the ominous creaking and groaning of the floor above her. With a huff, she reaches for her headphones, readying to press them into her ears when another louder and far more foreboding groan sounds.

She frowns, pausing to look up and in the second she takes to contemplate going upstairs to bang on the door, the centre of her ceiling disintegrates in a torrent of water.

\----

"Sis!" Anya is stood in the doorway to the large, red brick building, so strung with fairy lights it seems to glow in the night, a wide smile on her face and a preposterous pair of reindeer antlers on her head.

Behind her, the cab roars its engine and skids away across the icy road and Lexa wishes she could call it back, instead stood awkwardly beside the curb, her duffel bag thrown over her shoulder as she shuffles her feet. It's snowing just slightly, the flakes hang in her hair and on the soft material of her warmest jacket and she glances up, wishing for the blue skies she knows so well as Anya steps out of the house.

There's a figure lingering in the doorway, but they remain there, watching as Anya opens her arms out for her younger sister, ushering her into a quick hug before pulling back to look at her.

"You've uh..." Lexa gestures awkwardly to her antlers and Anya laughs a little, but the joy on her face is completely genuine.

"Yeah, they do Christmas pretty hardcore here. Want me to take your bag?"

"No, I'm good." She tightens her grip on the strap of the bag, following when Anya starts back towards the house. "Listen, I'm really sorry for intruding on you guys, I can go if it's a problem."

"Don't be stupid," Anya waves off her concerns, "I couldn't see my little sister stranded for the holidays. There's more than enough space as well."

"If you're sure," she mutters beneath her breath, wiping her snowy shoes on the mat and shivering gratefully when she steps into the warmth of the house as Anya chuckles.

"Yeah, not quite California huh? You're lucky your flight landed to be honest."

Lexa hums in agreement, eyes catching at the wreath on the door- all bright green holly and golden tinsel and red berries- before the front door is swung shut behind her and she has a chance to admire the spacious, oak panelled hallway. A wide staircase swings in a graceful curve in front of her and a row of golden pegs with various coats and jackets swung on them sit to the right of the door. There are more fairy lights curling up the banister and mistletoe hung obnoxiously above the doorframe and she struggles not to wrinkle her nose at it.

"Here," Anya takes her coat and hangs it on one of the pegs, brushing the snowflakes from it expertly.

"Hi," a voice from behind her makes her turn in surprise and she can't help her slight smile at the sight of the tanned, dark haired girl with a gaudy Christmas jumper on and a Santa hat pulled over her head. "You must be Anya's sister," the girl is smiling welcomingly but it's clear she's keeping her distance, waiting for Lexa to make the first move towards physical contact. "I'm Raven."

"My girlfriend," Anya appears at her side, touching a hand to the small of the girl's back protectively and casting Lexa a warning glance that screams _play nice_.

But Lexa needs no such warning and instead smiles, reaching out a hand towards the girl, "hey, great to meet you at last."

Raven's satisfied smile is enough to pacify Anya, who lets her touch fall as Raven shakes her hand firmly, a small smirk playing on the edges of her lips. "You too Lexa; I take it you aren't crazy about Christmas either, hmm?"

"It was never a big thing in our family, it all just seems a little commercial," she hesitates at the scowl Anya throws her, hesitating through her words, but Raven only laughs.

"It's alright, we'll soon have you converted."

"Well I'm really sorry for crashing on your Christmas like this," she lifts a hand to rub awkwardly at the back of her neck, "I'll try to keep out of you way, it must be weird having a total stranger in your house."

"Oh it's not my house-"

Raven is cut off a sudden figure appearing from the wide doorframe to their left, all dark hair and flushed cheeks. She wears a slightly ridiculous hat that looks like the rear end of a turkey and Lexa is starting to sense a theme here even as she looks between Anya and the girl in surprise.

"Is this your sister Anya?" The girl doesn't wait for an answer as she darts around Raven and throws her arms around Lexa, squeezing her so quickly that it leaves Lexa reeling. "Hi! Lexa, right? I'm Octavia!"

"H-Hi," she feels a little out of breath as the girl spins away, turning to look to the two men who are now lingering in the doorway to the left hand room uncertainly and gesturing eagerly.

"Guys! Come and meet Lexa!"

The first, a tall, dark skinned guy with muscles on muscles, who looks as if he could snap Lexa in two with a glance walks towards Octavia to touch at her shoulder, holding his other hand out for Lexa to shake. He wears an ugly sweater that looks unfortunately similar to Octavia's and he and the other guy, of course, have matching green and red elf hats.

"Lincoln," he introduces himself calmly, but Octavia takes over, talking excitedly.

"My boyfriend! And that's Bellamy over there," she gestures to the other boy, whose shaggy dark hair looks as if it is trying to escape from beneath the hat, "he's my brother."

"Unfortunately," Bellamy puts in, but only laughs when Octavia sticks her tongue out.

The others laugh too and Lexa lets out an awkward chuckle, her eyes darting uncertainly to Anya for an explanation, but Octavia is already ushering her through into the room to the left where they have all emerged from, leaving her bag abandoned at the bottom of the stairs.

The room is a living room, she realises when she steps inside. It's long, with a cluster of chairs around a large fireplace decorated with yet more tinsel and holly at one end and a dark oak dining table at the other end, filled with empty bowls as if it once contained a selection of buffet foods, now abandoned. A huge Christmas tree, lavishly decorated, is placed in the bay window of the room, close to the fireplace. It is a mishmash of decorations and colours but somehow manages to look homely and comfortable in this rich, warm space. On the small coffee table in the middle of the cluster of chairs and couches by the crackling fire sits a half finished game of monopoly and a girl is crouched over it, flicking through the cards in the middle of the board, though her head darts up guiltily when they walk in.

"Hey!" Octavia cries out in outrage, "stop cheating Clarke!"

Lexa almost freezes in place. Clarke Griffin is knelt beside the table, a glass of what looks like mulled wine on the floor next to her. She's wearing a disgusting Christmas sweater and a Santa hat is pulled down over her blonde curls, blue eyes wide with surprise and cheeks so pink from the fire and the embarrassment and the surprise that she looks like the picture of a 50s Christmas.

"Clarke, this is Lexa."

"Hi," she offers a lame wave at the same time that Clarke says:

"We know each other."

"You do?" Anya is frowning beside her, looking between them.

"Yeah, we've actually met at Berkley," Lexa looks to Clarke uncertainly at the girl stumbles to her feet, revealing large fluffy slippers on her feet.

"Just a... passing acquaintance, some mutual friends. We've been at parties together." Clarke is barely looking at her, her eyes darting from Raven to Octavia and back to Lexa before flying away again.

"What's this I hear about parties?" A strange voice comes from behind them and they turn together, creating a path for the older woman who walks through their little group, a tray of fresh cookies between her hands and deposits them on the plate on the table before turning to smile at them all. She has a soft smile and a kind, but sharply intelligent face and when her eyes land on Lexa she feels as if she's being looked over from top to bottom. "Hi, I'm Abby. You must be Anya's sister."

"Lexa," she holds her hand out and Abby's handshake comes with a comforting squeeze. Her eyes flicker around the group that seem to be watching her expectantly and she finally says, her words stilted and uncertain, "sorry, I don't want to be rude but how... exactly... are you guys all siblings or...?"

"No, no," Raven laughs, shaking her head and moving away to flop onto the couch. The rest of them seem to take their cue from her, Abby lowering herself into an armchair as Anya sits more carefully down beside Raven, letting the girl curl up against her and Bellamy settles onto the couch on the other side of Raven, leaning back as she stretches her legs along his lap. Octavia and Lincoln snuggle into the loveseat together and Clarke slowly kneels beck beside the monopoly board again, leaving Lexa to perch on the footrest, glancing between them all as Raven explains.

"I'm not actually related to any of these guys-"

"Not by blood anyway," Octavia interrupts and Raven rolls her eyes, waving her hands.

"Sisters in spirit doesn't count O."

"Says _who_?"

"Says science, dumbass." Bellamy puts in and Raven cuts through Octavia's indignant response.

" _Anyway_ , this place is actually Abby's," she gestures to the house, "Clarke is her daughter." Lexa tries to ignore the way that her cheeks heat up, keeping her gaze resolutely on the brunette speaking to her, "O and Bellamy are Clarke's cousins and I'm just an old family friend, I've been coming here for Christmas since I was little."

"Normally our parents would be here, but my mom's sister is sick," Bellamy adds, "she and our dad are both down in Florida looking after her."

"Right... I see." She swallows, glancing to Anya and resolutely avoiding looking at Clarke as she stands. "I might just go and wash up, if that's okay with you all? The journey was long."

"Of course," Abby stands at the same time that Anya does, "I can show you to your room if you want?"

"I'll do it," Anya tells her, firmly, moving to stand next to Lexa and place a hand on her shoulder. "You relax Abby."

"Oh, well," Abby hesitates, still standing, "you must be hungry after your trip. I can make you something eat? Pasta? Soup?"

"Please don't go to any trouble," Lexa holds out a placating hand, "I'll be fine, honestly. I might go to bed though, if that's okay?"

"Of course, the bed is all made up for you." Abby is still watching them, even as Anya steers her sister from the room with the hand on her shoulder, a chorus of goodnights following them out of the room.

"Come on squirt, it's this way." Anya shoulders her bag without accepting any complaint and leads her up the staircase until they come to the wide landing. "Your room is just up here," she gestures down a wide hallway with carpet so soft that it bounces beneath Lexa's feet and pauses at the second door on the left.

Inside is a spacious, neat guest bedroom; all neutral whites and browns with a soft, red blanket thrown at the bottom of the bed and a vase of white flowers and crimson berries sitting on the lace covering that lies over the top of the dresser.

The curtains to the tall window in the corner are drawn back, though it is too dark outside to see anything and when she reaches out to unhook them they fall forwards with the soft, satisfying thump of heavy, warm curtains. A door to a inbuilt closet stands to the left of the bed and a little further on is a bookshelf with a collection of odd books in it. Lexa lowers herself carefully onto the end of the double bed, fingers running over the gentle material of the blanket and watches as Anya lowers her bag to the ground at her feet.

"My temporary room should be ready by Christmas Eve," she says at last, to break the silence, "I'll be out of your hair by the time the big day rolls around."

"Don't be ridiculous Lex," Anya moves to sit beside her, "you shouldn't be alone on Christmas Day."

"You've never cared before," she cocks an eyebrows and Anya's brows furrow slightly.

"Well this year I do, okay? Just stay."

"Really?" Her eyes wander up to the antlers on Anya's head and even she can't help but crack a smile when she reaches up to tweak one, "seems like they're _very_ serious about Christmas here. You know I don't really _do it_."

"They are," Anya pulls the antlers off her head, smiling wryly as she holds them between her hands. "I was sceptical at first too but... they really won me over."

"You mean _Raven_ won you over," Lexa corrects her teasingly, nudging an elbow into her ribs as Anya rolls her eyes, shoving lightly at her arm. "She seems nice," she says more seriously and Anya nods, smiling.

"She is Lexa, they all are. And Christmas is important to them."

"I need to study," she points out, looking down to the bag at her feet and Anya nods, patting her knee as she goes to stand.

"That's totally fine, just try not to be a total Grinch, okay?"

"I'm not a Grinch," Lexa protests, even as Anya raises an eyebrow. "Whatever. Goodnight loser."

"Night asshole," Anya pulls the door shut behind her and Lexa leans back against the bed, flopping her body weightlessly against the soft mattress and stretching her arms up above her head just as a soft knock comes on the door.

"Hello?" She darts upwards as the door creaks open and Clarke's head peaks out from behind it.

"Hi," she smiles sheepishly, offering out a plate. "My mom's a feeder, sorry. She made you a PB&J, I hope that's okay."

"Oh, that's actually... great." Lexa smiles back despite herself as her stomach growls in response to the food.

Clarke steps further into the room, sitting carefully on the bed next to her as she passes Lexa over the sandwich, looking anywhere but her as Lexa takes a bite of the sugary, sticky concoction.

"So, not quite where you expected to spend your Christmas, huh? What happened to the library?" Clarke throws a wry smile at her, arching a curious eyebrow.

"My dorm room flooded, the girl above left her bathtub running," she can't even get through the words without rolling her eyes, though she feels more like strangling Jessica from 4-2B.

"Oh shit," Clarke's eyes widen in alarm, "how bad is it?"

"Not too awful, it'll take them a couple of weeks, longer because of the holidays. My temporary room should be ready by the 24th though, so I'll be out of your hair in a few days. Thanks for taking me in, I appreciate it."

"You can... stay for Christmas if you want," Clarke's hands are curling together awkwardly, "it's no trouble."

"No, it's okay thanks," despite her earlier words to Anya, her mind is made up, "I have work to do and I don't really-"

"- _do Christmas_ ," Clarke parrots her own words back at her and she can't help but smile, "yeah I know. Well, the offer is there if you want it."

"Thanks."

An awkward silence descends. Lexa's finished her sandwich, but Clarke stays sat on the bed beside her, tracing patterns in the carpet on the floor with the toe of her slipper. Finally, they both speak at once.

"Why did you lie?"

"You can't tell my mom."

Lexa's brows crease uncertainly and she waits as Clarke swallows, gathering her words and saying in a quick rush.

"You can't tell my mom about us. She's just a little fucked up this Christmas, she wants it to be as perfect as possible which is why there are so many people in the house and I just... I can't land this on her right now, you know? It would ruin her Christmas, she'd totally flip."

"Because I'm a girl or because we hook up without any emotional connection?" Lexa asks, bluntly and Clarke scowls at her.

"Hey, I make you laugh."

"Yeah, only around making me _cum_ though."

Clarke whacks at her arm, rolling her eyes again even as Lexa lets out a soft chuckle. "You're right, we have nothing. In fact, I kind of hate you."

" _Sure_ you do."

"My point is," she ploughs on, ignoring Lexa's jibes pointedly. "Don't tell her."

"Okay," she shrugs, watching as Clarke turns to look at her, tongue nervously wetting her lips as she becomes more sincere.

"I'm serious Lexa, this is really important."

"Hey," without thinking her fingers go to sit beneath Clarke's chin, tilting her eyes up so that she can see how frank she is, "I understand. There is no reason your mom- or anyone else for that matter- needs to know. It's nothing, just a little harmless sex. We'll just act..." her eyes flicker to Clarke shining lips and she fees her voice crack slightly, "normal."

"Right," Clarke's words are only slightly breathy, "so... no fucking."

"None." She's leaning forward without thinking and when Clarke's fingers tangle in her hair and draw her into a sudden, passionate kiss she can't find it within her to pull away. A tongue slides out to run over her lips and she opens her mouth slightly, their breath hot against the other's skin as their bodies press together. Teeth nip at her lips and she lets out a groan that she barely realises is hers until she feels the rumble of her chest and Clarke's soft, throaty laughter against her mouth.

"Clarke?"

The voice from downstairs makes them spring apart as if electrified and Clarke's wide eyes dart to her and then to the door as she runs a hand through her hair and shouts back, voice shaking.

"Coming!"

The word only makes them both flush even more and Clarke jumps from the bed, pressing hands against her hot cheeks and pulling her hat further down.

"Okay... okay no more of that, understand?"

"Loud and clear." Lexa shakes her head, trying to clear the haze from her mind and then looks up as Clarke runs a finger over slightly swollen lips and asks.

"How do I look?"

"Alarmingly normal. Painfully average."

Clarke's eyes roll again but she can't hide the smile on her face as she flicks the finger in Lexa's direction, pausing at the door.

"Fuck you. See you in the morning, Lexa."

"Goodnight Clarke."

She tries to ignore the softness in her voice and the warmth still clinging to the back of her neck, where Clarke's hands had been.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much guys, you blew me away with your support for this fic! I hope you continue to enjoy it!

Lexa wakes up to the feeling of warm breath across her cheeks and a wet touch to her neck and jaw line. Her eyes crinkle and she turns a little towards the touch, squinting her eyes open to peer through the dim room, disorientated. Something warm and moving is beneath her fingers, with short, tightly curled hair and she leans up on her elbow, eyes darting down and widening in surprise when wide, black eyes stare back at her, a long pink tongue lolling from the mouth of the fluffy grey dog lounging on her bed, tail thumping softly against the mattress as it wags.

"Um, hello."

It's vaguely ridiculous and the dog shuffles forwards, sniffing at her hands in enquiry until she gives it and rubs her fingers through its fur, scratching behind its ear to appease it.

"Alright, let me just..." she edges out of the bed and the dog sits up but doesn't move from the tangle of blankets to follow her.

Hurriedly, Lexa pulls the pair of jeans she wore the day before from the back of the chair in the corner and yanks them on, tugging out a sweater from her suitcase to pull over the old band shirt she wears to bed. There's a thin crack of light coming through the gap in the curtains and when she pulls them back the bright sun on the sparkling snow startles her, making her squint and frown. It's clearly later than she thought and when she goes to grab her phone from its place beneath her pillow- watching the dog cautiously as she does- she realises that it is past eleven am.

Tugging nervously at the sleeves of her sweater she rounds her hair into a tangled band at the back of her head and pats her knee experimentally, watching with grateful eyes when the dog jumps obediently off the bed and trots after her when she leaves the room.

Downstairs there is an unmistakable smell of bacon frying and the dog hurries ahead of her through a wide doorway and into a large, homely kitchen; all wood floors and white countertops, plant pots filled with wilting herbs lining the windowsill and reminders scribbled onto pieces of paper stuck with magnets to the fridge. A few Christmas cards are taped to the doors and Lexa lingers in the doorway for a moment, watching the figures inside move around one another with smooth experience of people who know each other well.

Bellamy is arguing with Octavia, who is perched on a countertop in sweats and a beanie, about the cereal she is eating, meanwhile Lincoln is manning the bacon frying over the hob while Clarke potters around in only shorts and an old over sized hoodie that Lexa recognises from her bedroom floor. Clarke must have only just got up, Lexa has noticed that that particular garment acts more as a robe than anything else, to be thrown on over pjs.

The thought makes her blush and she's glad that they notice the dog who bounds into the room before her, giving her time to gather herself.

"Hey baby!" Octavia completely cuts off her brother to slide from the counter, abandoning her cereal to wrap her arms around the dog when it jumps up at her.  She rubs her fingers around the dog's ears, pressing kisses to its face and Lincoln raises an eyebrow, leaning around Bellamy to look at her with affectionate disgust.

"You know  _ I _ have to kiss those lips as well, right?"

" _ Please _ , I know my priorities." Despite her words Octavia rises to squeeze a hand around his hip and kiss him on the cheek, smiling when he pretends to wrinkle his nose.

"Hey Mol," Clarke reaches down a hand to rub at the dog's head when she approaches, tickling her gently and her eyes brighten when she sees Lexa in the door. "Lex, hi!"

"Hi Lexa," Bellamy holds up a hand, gesturing to the frying pan curiously, "you want bacon?"

"Um, sure thanks." She steps inside, still hesitating near the threshold, "have you guys eaten breakfast yet?"

"Of course not," Clarke laughs softly, shaking her head. "We don't do early mornings here."

Her eyes twinkle when Lexa looks back at her and suddenly she can't help but think of 8am classes where she's had to all but bully Clarke out of bed.

The smile that lingers on her lips is only disguised by her downturned head, distracted by the dog that wanders over to sniff at her some more.

"Oh, that's Molly," Clarke explains and Bellamy moves towards the kettle as it boils to pour it into the waiting mugs. "She's ours."

"Yeah, she was in my bed this morning," she cocks an eyebrow and Clarke blushes, shaking her head.

"Oh god I'm sorry, she tends to claim that room as her own. Just push the door properly shut tonight and she won't be able to bother you."

"No, I actually kind of liked it." She laughs softly as she pushes back the dog's ears playfully, "She's cute."

"Coffee, Lexa?" Bellamy is hovering over a mug uncertainly, looking to her for an answer but Clarke opens her mouth to reply before Lexa can.

"Milk, no sugar."

Bellamy blinks at her in surprise, eyes darting from Lexa to Clarke and back again as he waits for Lexa to say something. She barely manages to regain her sense in time, looking to Clarke as the girl realises her mistake and begins to blush.

"Um, yeah actually."

"How did you know that?" Bellamy's brows are furrowed but he has gone back to pouring the water so he doesn't see the glance that they exchange.

"Lucky guess?" Clarke offers, weakly and Lexa barely suppresses the urge to roll her eyes as she takes the mug from Bellamy with soft words of thanks.

\----

A soft knocking at her door draws her head up and she smiles at the person lingering in the doorway as if waiting to be welcomed in.

"Hi," Clarke is holding a steaming cup, which she holds out in Lexa's direction and the brunette tugs out a headphone to take it, gratefully inhaling the scent of chai wafting up from the hot water. "I know you like tea when you study." Clarke sits tentatively at the end of the carefully made bed, eyes darting over the textbooks strewn across the comforter. "Did you get the wifi key off Anya?"

"Yes, thanks," she pulls her other earphone out and pushes her reading glasses up into her hair, reaching over to pause her music and turn her attention fully to Clarke, who is fidgeting with the edge of her jumper carefully, as if avoiding looking at Lexa.

"She said to tell you she was going to town with Raven. Something about last minute Christmas shopping."

"Ah, yes," it feels a little weird knowing that Anya, her only tether to the real world, has left the house but Clarke’s presence is comforting. "She mentioned she was going to go this morning."

Clarke hums in agreement, thumbing casually through Lexa's books as she has done so many times before. The action reminds Lexa unerringly of walking back into her dorm after a shower one morning to find Clarke sat up in bed in nothing but her panties, Lexa's glasses perched on her nose, thumbing through a book on integration theories. "I'm you," she had said, with a wink and Lexa hadn't been able to resist pressing her back into the bed.

Needless to say she'd had to shower again.

"Did you get your presentation done?" Clarke asks now, looking up from her book curiously, "your group replied to your email?" At Lexa's nod she smiles, looking to the ceiling in amazement, " _ at last _ holy shit, I thought you were going to have a heart attack."

"Hey," Lexa scowls at her over the rim of her mug. "I was completely cool about the whole thing."

"Lexa, you said you were going to slaughter them all in their beds." Clarke deadpans, and then continues more passionately, "you turned down me, naked, with your favourite snack to prep for that presentation."

"You didn't really have cheetos," Lexa grumbles.

"Oh yeah I did, a family pack. And I ate every last one." Clarke laughs and ducks when Lexa aims one of the pillows behind her head in Clarke's direction.

"Was there something you  _ wanted _ Griffin?" She is scowling but there's a smile twitching her lips up irresistibly, "or are you just here to piss me off?"

"Yes, actually," Clarke is still smiling, "I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a walk with us, we're going to have an epic snowball fight."

"As much as I know you could do with my expertise, I'll have to pass," she flicks her glasses back down onto her nose, "thanks though."

"Oh," Clarke looks somewhat crestfallen and Lexa tries to ignore the way that her heart sinks at the sight of her. "Okay."

She turns to leave but Lexa can't quite stand to see her go without one last smile and so she whines, uncharacteristically.

" _ Clarke _ ."

"What?" Clarke turns on her heel, already grinning at her pathetic voice.

"Pass me the pillow?" She pouts a little and Clarke rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

"No way, you make the mess, you clean it up."

" _ Please _ ."

She should hardly be surprised by the pillow that hits her squarely in the face and yet Clarke is still left laughing at the way she splutters.

\----

Anya and Raven happen to arrive home just as Lexa ventures downstairs to wash her mug. They are both shivering, stamping their feet on the mat in the doorway and peeling off gloves and hats and coats, dumping bags at their feet. She hesitates, smiling at her sister as Anya rubs her reddening nose. 

“Missing the California weather now, hmm?”

“Don’t be so smug,” Anya casts her a glare, scooping to collect the bags of presents into her hands as Raven laughs.

“I could do with some sun right now, to be honest. Maybe we should come and visit you some time?”

The suggestion surprises her, but it isn’t unpleasant and Lexa finds herself nodding in agreement, ignoring the way Anya cocks an eyebrow at her. “Sure, I’ll let you know when I get some down time.”

“Okay, well that’s cheating,” Anya protests, edging past her to start up the stairs, “you never allow yourself any down time.”

“I could make the exception for you guys,” she argues for the sake of it, looking between the two of them as she climbs the stairs after her sister. “Well, probably not for you, but for your girlfriend, she’s cool.”

Raven whoops in celebration, sticking her tongue out at Anya, who pauses and turns, aghast, to glare at her sister. 

“To think I  _ raised _ you.”

“You did not,” Lexa scoffs, shouting out in protest when Anya wraps an arm around her waist when she tries to squeeze past on the stairs, “let me go!”

“Not until you admit who taught you to shoot basketball hoops.” Anya deadpans and Lexa rolls her eyes, clawing at the arm around her. Anya refuses to let go, simply tightening her grip until Lexa finally gives up, sighing heavily as she admits, reluctant.

“Fine, you taught me how to shoot hoops.”

“Thank you,” Anya lets her go with a flourish and Lexa makes sure to take a few steps away from her before she calls down to Raven.

“Too bad she sucks at basketball.”

“Hey!” 

Anya turns to chase her up the stairs, their feet thundering up the stairs like a small earthquake as Lexa skids around the corner, feet slipping against the woven rug on the floor. Anya is laughing breathlessly behind her, heaving and cursing and Lexa throws herself down the corridor and through the door to the bathroom just as it begins to open. 

Her body collides with something warm and soft but she doesn’t take the time to look at it as she spins and slams the door shut, the deadbolt sliding into place just as fists bang against the door and Anya’s voice shouts.

“You can’t hide in there forever!”

“Oh yeah? Watch me!”

“Is that so?”

The voice makes her startle and she feels her cheeks heat as she turns to see Clarke stood, hair pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, loose tendrils curling damply around her cheeks and jaw and Lexa’s eyes wander down to the damp, bare skin of her body, revealed beneath the towel she has clutched close.

“Holy shit, Clarke I’m so sorry.” She almost covers her eyes but it seems ridiculous so instead she averts her gaze, looking only into Clarke’s eyes and down at the floor. “Wh… Why wasn’t the  _ door locked _ ?”

“I was literally on my way out,” Clarke raises an eyebrow at her as another shower of hammers come from behind the door. “Looks like you’re in trouble.”

“I may have insulted Anya a little,” she toes at the tiled floor guiltily, flinching as another round of banging comes.

“I am gonna skin you alive kid!”

“You’ll have to get through me first!” Clarke’s voice makes her startle again and she almost sees Anya’s double take from behind the door.

“ _ Clarke _ ? What are you doing in there?”

“Protecting Lexa from bullies like you!” Clarke can barely hold back her laughter and when she meets Lexa’s gaze there’s a twinkle in her eyes.

Anya is silent for a moment, clearly considering but there’s a smile to her voice when she replies, “bring it on, I can take you  _ both _ !”

“Sure you can old lady!” Lexa calls back and Anya squawks in outrage, her voice lowering as she says, clearly closer to the door now.

“Oh you’re going to regret that. Let’s see how long you both last in there.”

“You’ve done it now,” Clarke rises an eyebrow and paces forward to grab her robe off the back of the door. She eyes Lexa pointedly until the girl finally catches up and turns her back, waiting a few minutes for Clarke to be done before turning back to see her pulling her hair out of its bun in front of the mirror. “While we’re stuck in here make yourself useful, braid my hair.”

“ _ Fine _ ,” Lexa rolls her eyes but has to suppress a smile as she moves to stand behind the girl, combing through the tangled tresses with her fingers for a moment before leaning her chin gently against Clarke’s shoulder to look at her in the mirror and ask, sarcastically. “Would madam like to demand anything in particular?”

“Surprise me,” Clarke tells her casually, but continues as she moves away, “and we both know you like it when madam demands things.”

Lexa blushes but doesn’t reply, pulling her hair back from the crown of her head. She begins to twine the strands in and out of each other, fingers moving deftly and scraping against Clarke’s head in the way she knows that Clarke loves. She can still feel the warm press of Clarke’s jaw against her cheek and the smell of her shampoo seems to wash over them both, soaking them in soft, smooth coconut. Her fingers tug and tease at Clarke’s hair and the girl’s head falls back a little as Lexa works her way down her head, pulling strands into the complex twist. Clarke groans quietly in appreciation and Lexa laughs, shaking her head as she looks up to smile at her in the mirror again.

“Sometimes I think you just use me for this.”

“Pretty much,” Clarke agrees, her eyes still shut blissfully and Lexa cocks an eyebrow at her, abandoning her hair for a moment to curl an arm around Clarke’s waist, her hand slipping beneath the fold of her robe to dust her fingers against her bare skin. 

“Really?” Clarke’s eyes flicker open, Lexa’s breath dances across her jaw when she speaks and a muted, sexy smirk is dancing at the blonde’s lips. “Because I thought there were other things you liked me for?” Her hand moves down instinctively, brushing through the soft patch of hair before sliding through wet heat. Then, as abruptly as she’d begun, she tears away again and turns her back even as Clarke lets out a soft whine. “But I guess not.”

She’s almost unsurprised by the hands that slam her back into the bathroom door and the lips that attach themselves to her jaw, sucking and nipping until Lexa is nothing more than a whimpering mess beneath her. It’s electric, the feeling between them and she struggles to heave in a breath. 

“Clarke… I thought we weren’t… doing this…”

“Shut up, Lex.” The hand that fumbles with the button of her jeans is sudden and surprising but she’s glad for Clarke’s support at her hips and the door behind her because she is instantly weak at the knees. Clarke’s hand pushes impatiently past the waistband and beneath her panties to run the pads of her fingers across damp lips and if Lexa wasn’t turned on she would be by now, though realistically she’s been wet since she first saw Clarke in only a towel, water dripping across her bare skin. 

“ _ Clarke _ ,” the word escapes her on a hiss and her fingers go to tug blindly at Clarke’s robe, baring her skin though she is able to do nothing more than slide her hands over the sides of Clarke's breasts, her pert nipple grazing at the sensitive flesh on the inside of Lexa’s wrist, before clawing at her back, tightening her hold and burying her face in Clarke’s neck.

A finger pushes inside of her gently and stills for a moment, allowing her to adjust and shift, before setting a pounding pace. Clarke’s other hand darts down to rub at her sensitive clit and she feels her hips both arch into and away from the feeling, breath torn from her as her head slams back against the door and a sort of stifled moan leaves her. 

“Come on Lexa, come for me.” Clarke is working her into overdrive, she’s being led to the precipice so swiftly that it’s almost painful and yet there’s nothing she can do, squirming and gasping. Her hips twitch, following Clarke’s fingers in their desperate pace and Clarke hisses out in frustration, nipping at her neck in retribution as she curls her finger and says, sharply. “ _ Come _ .”

Lexa is powerless to that voice and it is only Clarke lips covering hers that stop her from alerting the whole house of their escapades as she lets out a strangled cry and her hips piston for a second before quivering to a slow final stop, leaning heavily back against the door as the remnants of her orgasm slide away like the waves retreating back into the ocean. She pants quietly, trying to draw in breath and is not helped when she watches through slitted eyes as Clarke finally, carefully withdraws her fingers and slides them into her mouth to lick clean, smirking a little. 

“ _ Fuck _ , you’re beautiful,” the words escape her before she can even think and for a moment she is worried, uncertain that she has said too much but Clarke only laughs, leaning forwards to kiss her softly, the taste of Lexa’s sex still fresh on her lips.

“I bet you say that to all of the girls who get you off,” she teases quietly, her lips moving against Lexa’s as she winds her arms around the brunette’s waist to hold her close, their foreheads pressed together.

“Yes, but you really are.” She is brave, emboldened by the hormones rushing through her body and Clarke smiles for a second, really smiles in a way that reaches up and warms her eyes.

“Lexa, you’re breathtaking.”

The loud banging on the door and Raven’s impatient voice makes them startle apart, jolting away from one another in alarm. 

“Lexa? Are you in there?”

“Yeah?” Lexa’s voice is wary and uncertain.

“Well are you ever planning on coming  _ out _ ? Some of us need to pee!”

“Is Anya still out there?” Clarke peels herself away from Lexa as she speaks, hurrying to smooth back her hair and grab her towel. 

“Of course not!” Raven laughs, “fine, I’ll find somewhere else, but it is safe to come out y’know!”

“Thanks Raven!” She tries to stop her voice from shaking and exchanges a sheepish glance with Clarke as Raven’s footsteps echo away. “Sorry?”

Clarke rolls her eyes but seems unperturbed when she shrugs, “I was in a towel, can’t expect you to resist that.”

“Hey,  _ you’re _ the one who couldn’t keep her hands off.” Lexa reminds her, laughing when Clarke glowers at her and unlocks the door, swinging it open. 

“Whatever, get out-” she cuts herself off as she peers behind Lexa and out into the corridor, eyes widening when she sees Octavia paused at the top of the stairs, watching them. “Oh, um, hi.”

“Hi.” Octavia is looking between them, surprise in her eyes, “what are you guys doing?”

“I asked Lexa to braid my hair,” Clarke lies smoothly, turning to show Octavia the loosened, half finished braid still hanging in her hair. “She did a shit job.”

“Probably because  _ someone _ wouldn’t stop moving,” she glares playfully at Clarke as she retreats from the bathroom, shaking her head in Octavia’s direction and muttering, to the brunette’s enjoyment, “she’s such a princess.”

“Fuck you, Lexa.” Clarke is back to looking in the mirror, pulling out the messy braid, but when Lexa chances a glance back she can see the pink heating up her cheeks.

\---

“Podgy is not a word!”

“It  _ is _ ,” Clarke insists, digging in her pocket to pull out her phone. She makes it halfway through her passcode before Lexa’s hand grabs for the device, missing by inches and drawing her attention away. 

“Hey, stop! You can’t cheat Clarke!” Lexa is satisfyingly flushed with exhilaration and the warmth of the room and Clarke can’t help but admire the pink shine on her cheeks, stealing glances it her even as she twists out of Lexa’s reach to mess with her phone.

“Looking up a word I’ve  _ already  _ thought of isn’t cheating!” She protests loudly, laughing when Lexa leaps from her seat to round the table and grab at her phone. “Hey!” She pushes her scrabble tiles away, swatting Lexa on the chest and arms. “Don’t look at my letters!”

“I don’t care about your letters,  _ I’m _ not the cheat.” Lexa leans over her, pressing Clarke’s head forwards and almost squashing her in her attempt to snatch the phone away.

Only Raven’s placating hand darting out to grab the phone is enough to shut them both up, turning to look at them like guilty school children, still draped over one another. 

“What the  _ hell  _ are you guys arguing about?” Her sceptical gaze flickers from Lexa to Clarke and then back to Lexa again, cocking a hip and staring at them expectantly as Lexa self consciously peels herself away from Clarke. 

“Clarke is definitely cheating,” Lexa slides back into her own seat, but her voice is more muted in the face of raven’s interrogation and she goes back to studying her tiles innocently as Clarke gasps in outrage.

“I am  _ not _ , Lexa is just being a sore loser  _ as always _ .” She sticks her tongue out across the table and Lexa wrinkles her nose, mimicking her silently until Raven waves a hand between them. 

“Okay, time out kids.  _ How _ do you guys know each other again?”

“Oh…” Clarke can feel the flush heating her cheeks and she is careful not to look at Lexa as she says, as casually as she can, “we’ve played a couple of games of beer pong together.”

“ _ Right _ ,” Raven is still watching them suspiciously but after a moment just shakes her head, “well I’m not your mother, so sort yourselves out; unless you want me to  _ get _ your mom Clarke because I’m pretty sure she’s trying to stop Octavia from burning down the kitchen right now.”

“Nope, we’re good.” Clarke turns away from the girl, steadfastly studying her tiles until she sees Raven cuddle up beside Anya at the other end of the living room. She looks up at last and when she meets Lexa’s eyes there is a twinkle of amusement in the soft green orbs staring back at her. 

“Anyway. Podgy: not a word.”

“It  _ is _ !”

They’re oblivious to Raven’s stares and Anya’s bemused smile. 

\----

When Clarke finds her leaning over the kitchen counter later that afternoon, a cup of steaming tea next to her and a book pressed open with one hand, she lets out a quiet laugh that draws Lexa's eyes upwards. Stood in the doorway, the soft light haloing her slowly drying hair, Clarke looks almost ethereal and she is momentarily stunned, left speechless until the girl approaches her and bumps their hips together, leaning against the counter beside Lexa to peer at her book.

"You comfortable here?"

"Yes, actually." Slowly, she returns to her spot, wordlessly sliding the tea over for Clarke to cup between her hands and sip.

"Really?" Clarke arches an eyebrow over the rim of the mug and she feels herself flush, turning back to her book.

"The bed is way too tempting to nap on and this is as good a place as any."

"Tempting to nap?" Clarke gapes at her, grinning conspiratorially, "are you telling me the infamous Lexa Woods is actually  _ human _ ? And here was me thinking you were a robot."

"Part robot," Lexa corrects her, closing her book with a thumb between the pages. "And yes,  _ somebody _ keeps tiring me out."

"Who would do such a thing?" Clarke is all innocence and Lexa steals the mug back, bringing it to her mouth in order to hide the dusting of pink across her cheeks. "Oh, by the way," Clarke fills the silence between them, eyes flickering down to look at Lexa's book. "I can show you somewhere to study, somewhere without a bed but  _ with _ a chair and a desk, how does that sound?"

"Like a dream," Lexa admits at last and when Clarke gestures she falls into step behind her, scooping her book under her arm.

Molly perks up from her place beside the stairs and clambers up from her spot, trotting after them and the dog seems to know where she's going when Clarke pushes open a door Lexa hadn't noticed hiding at the bottom of the entrance way. Molly trots straight past them and flops onto the rug placed by the unlit fireplace, but Lexa is stalled in the doorway, eyes wide with wonder.

"Clarke," she breathes the word, "this is..."

Words escape her as she steps into the small, warm room. Every inch of wall is covered in towering mahogany bookcases, glass cased and filled with times of varying volume and hue, from crumbling spines protected by woven material to flashy children's book on lower shelves. A desk is sat by the window, clear but for a few old books and pieces of paper, stacked in a neat pile in the far left corner, and a heavy old lamp stretching its neck out. A tall window stretches over the wall in front of the desk, an old, cracked leather chair beside it and another deep armchair with a small stool beside the dark fireplace, where Molly is now watching them with interest.

"It was my dad's old office," Clarke is still stood in the doorway, her brows creased with conflict. She smiles faintly when she catches Lexa watching her. "My mom used to work in here with him, but she had her desk moved out and into another room upstairs." Her arms wrap around her waist almost subconsciously and Lexa longs to reach out and touch her, "needed somewhere lighter, she said." She steps hesitantly over the threshold, her smile returning a little when she indicates the fireplace. "I used to sit on that stool and listen to him while he read."

Lexa can't help the hand that brushes a touch against Clarke's arm. She's noticed the absence of the girl's father, she isn't completely oblivious but it isn't in her nature to pry and so she'd pushed the thought out of her mind. Now though, she says, "would he mind me being in here?"

"He'd appreciate its use." Clarke's confession is only slightly tearful, but Lexa does her the service of pretending not to notice.

"And your mom?"

Clarke's expression darkens a little and she shakes her head, "let me deal with her."

"Okay." She looks back to the chair by the desk, momentarily unsure what to say. Finally, with a careful hand on her elbow, she draws Clarke gently into her arms and is gratified when, after a second's hesitation, she feels two hands slide up her back and come to rest on her shoulders, squeezing so tightly that it almost hurts.

Tears soak the collar of her shirt, but she keeps her mouth shut, pulls Clarke in more tightly and breathes in the soothing scent of her shampoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I'm currently studying for exams at the end of January so I wouldn't expect another update until after those because I have a fuck lot to do. Hopefully you all understand! Please let me know what you thought, here or on my tumblr (@onemilliongoldstars)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays!

"Here," the sweater that falls in her lap is soft and heavy, the material crumpling into a comfortable heap over her knees and she darts back, almost spilling the tea cupped between her hands. She turns to stare up at where Clarke is sauntering casually past, as if it means nothing and blinks at her in surprise.

"What is this?" She sets down the mug to finger the sweater uncertainly, brows creasing in confusion when Clarke just rolls her eyes.

"Don't tell me you're not cold, I could see you shivering from all the way over here. You don't have anything thick enough for this sort of weather." Clarke curls her feet, clad in thickly padded socks, up beside her on the couch until her toes can poke at Lexa's thigh.

"I'm fine," she says automatically, even as spreads the sweater out, feeling for the arm holes and shrugging it on over her shirt. The neck gets caught on the glasses perched on her head and she is momentarily blind before gentle fingers ply the material away from her head and guide her through the soft fabric.

"There," Clarke smiles, satisfied at the sight of her just as Anya, who is sat by the coffee table on the floor, watching as Raven carefully constructs something strange and mechanical, lets out a bellowing laugh.

"Oh Lexa, welcome to the family."

She looks down at the sweater and feels her cheeks heat up at the sight of the blue background with a happy penguin dancing across it, clad in a red scarf and hat.

"Hey, you two match." Octavia frowns between their sweaters as she enters the room, and Lexa's mouth falls open when she glances at Clarke and sees the red wool with the familiar penguin dancing across it."They're cute, where did you get them?"

"No, we didn't buy them-" Lexa hurries to explain even as Clarke rushes over her, cheeks heating into a delicate pink.

"That was an accident, Lexa was cold."

Octavia is still frowning at them, perplexed by their rambling responses and Lexa continues, desperately.

"Where are Lincoln and Bellamy? I haven't seen them for hours."

"I gave them free reign over the kitchen," Abby raises her eyebrow from beneath her reading glasses, looking up from the paper she's attacking with her red pen. "Definitely a decision I'll come to regret, but oh well."

"How're the essays mom?" Clarke turns to look at her mother, her toes brushing against Lexa's leg as she does so and her mother lets out a groan, folding up the papers and set them on the floor at her feet with a defeated sigh.

"I should never have agreed to cover Kane's winter class, I'm a _doctor_ not a teacher."

"Come on Abby, you're a great teacher." Raven doesn't look up from her mechanics and Octavia butts in before Abby can do any more than raise an eyebrow in her direction.

"Yeah, come on. You taught me how to ride a bike! I still remember it!"

" _How_?" Raven is incredulous enough to finally lift her head and Anya chuckles again, quietly, as Clarke puts in.

"Because she was like fourteen."

"You didn't learn to ride a bike until you were fourteen?" Lexa teases, gently, but Octavia still turns pink, glaring at where Clarke is smiling on the couch.

"Only because you and Bell would constantly push me off _Clarke_!"

"I don't know what you're laughing at Lex," Anya stands, stretching her arms up above her head as she saunters past them and pauses in the doorway. "You didn't learn to swim until you were thirteen."

"Oh my god," Clarke giggles at her, smiling widely when Lexa tries to bury her head in her hands.

"Sisters," Abby rolls her eyes in sympathy, her lips tilted up in a curious expression. "How old are you Lexa?"

"20."

The answer comes, not from her, but from the Oblonde at her side and Clarke blinks as she looks up at the startled expressions watching her, as if only just realising what she has said.

"Yeah," Lexa speaks awkwardly into the silence, trying her best not to look at where Clarke busies herself with a loose thread on the throw cushion in her arms, "Anya is a few years older than me."

"Did you get on as kids?" Abby seems to have decided to overlook Clarke mishap and Lexa swallows against her dry throat as she nods.

"Yeah, our parents are great but very busy, she was always around for me."

"That's nice," Abby's eyes dart to Clarke so quickly that Lexa is sure nobody else has seen it, "it's good to have people around when your parents can't quite be there."

"They tried," Lexa excuses them quickly, "but they've always been very focused on their careers; it's good actually, it gave Anya and I a good work ethic."

"Really? What do you study?"

"Poli-sci." Clarke answers without looking up from her hands and then hurriedly continues, before anyone can question her, "we, uh, met at a course mixer."

"Poli-sci and bio-med?" Raven raises an eyebrow again.

Clarke just shoots her a glare, though Raven doesn't drop her gaze and so Abby continues, eyeing them both curiously.

"That's excellent, there must be a lot of reading, hmm?"

"A fair amount," Lexa shrugs, smiling, "but I like books, I like to read a lot around something and feel I know it very well. I feel like the philosophy side of the subject is so interesting, each thing I read makes me look at the world a little bit differently..." she trails off when she senses eyes on her and turns just in time to catch Clarke's hurriedly downturned gaze, the smile playing on the corners of her lips and Lexa struggles to push away the butterflies in her stomach.

"Well, hopefully you can change the world." Abby reaches out to pick up her essays again from their place on the table just as Anya appears n the doorway again.

Lexa sniggers at the sight of her, breathless and with a dash of white flour smudged across her cheek as her sister leans against the doorway, wide eyes moving back to the kitchen. "I tried to contain them Abby but they're wild. You might want to go and save your kitchen."

"Oh _god_ ," though she shoots from her chair there is a tone of amusement in Abby's voice, a twinkle of laughter sparkling in her eyes as she rushes past them all and Lexa ponders on it in the quiet.

She is interrupted only by Clarke wiggling her feet further under Lexa's thigh to keep them warm.

"Your mom really likes having a full house at Christmas, doesn't she?"

"She loves it," Clarke's smile is tinged with just the slightest note of sadness and Lexa hesitates over it, almost asks a tentative question before Clarke continues and the flush on her cheeks is enough of a distraction, "sorry that she quizzed you so much."

"I don't care, I hope she likes me," she speaks without thinking and Clarke giggles at her words, leaning closer to touch at Lexa's shoulder.

"Of course she likes you, don't be stupid. How could she not?"

The words make them both blush again and Lexa rubs at her hot neck, tilting her face away a little in hopes that Clarke won't catch the grin lifting her cheeks.

"Anyway," Clarke continues hurriedly, "why do you care if she likes you?" She lowers her voice just slightly so that the others can't hear her, "it's not like we're dating."

"I know," Lexa's answer is almost too quick, too defensive and she sees Clarke startle back in surprise, "I'm a parent person, okay? I want parents to like me."

"Nerd."

Somehow, it seems more like a pet name than an insult when it falls from Clarke's smiling lips.

\---

"Fuck, Lex... okay just... yes _there_ -"

"Shhh! You're going to get us caught."

"Then stop doing that _thing_ with your fingers- _oh_ \- okay y-yes, keep doing that... Oh _shit_ you're good at that- yes, fuck- ouch!"

"What? What happened?"

"You banged my head! Be more careful!"

"We're in your _airing cupboard_ Clarke, I can't _see anything_!"

"You're the one who pushed me in here!"

"I thought it was a spare bedroom!"

"Shut up, I can hear someone-"

"Fuck-"

"Get off me-"

\---

"So," Anya pushes through her door without knocking, startling Lexa up from her place on the bed, peeling the socks from her feet. Molly pads in behind her, trotting across the threshold and jumping up beside Lexa to curl up as if she owns the place. "How long were you going to wait to tell me you had a girlfriend?"

Her words pull Lexa's gaze up from where they're focused on the fluffy animal beside her and she freezes, her hands stilling in the soft fur as she turns to blink at her sister.

"What?"

Anya steps in, pulls the door shut behind her but lingers close to the doorway, watching her with something between amusement and concern, arms crossed over her chest as she raises a sleek eyebrow.

"You. And a girl. Together. When were you going to let me know?"

"A- are you talking about Costia?" She's sure her eyes are giving her away, so she can't help but be glad when the dog beneath her fingers wriggles in protest, twisting her head to lick at Lexa's fingers indignantly. "Because we haven't been together in over a year, you know that..."

"No," Anya wrinkles her nose in disgust, shaking her head as she edges slowly closer to Lexa. "That bitch? You're well shot of her."

"Then I don't know what you're talking about," she keeps her gaze on Molly, running her fingers up and down the animal's spine before settling to scratch behind her ears.

"Lexa." Anya sounds less than amused and when Lexa chances a glance at her she has stopped by Lexa's knees and is looking down at her, expectant and put out.

"Listen, I don't know what gave you the idea I have a girlfriend," she struggles for a smile, the corners of her lips twisting up into something almost ugly. "I'm single. Tragically, desperately single."

"Yeah, the hickey on your collarbone says so."

Her hand flies up to touch at the tender skin stretched over bone and she bites her lip, swallowing before offering, weakly, "it's... a bruise? I fell over?"

Anya snorts, shaking her head at her ridiculous excuses and even Lexa can't help but smile, her hand falling away from the purpling mark as Anya sits tentatively beside her, jostling the bed a little much to Molly's displeasure. "Don't be embarrassed, you could do a lot worse than Clarke."

"I-It's not...! How, why would you even...?" She splutters and gasps, cheeks heating up under her sister's harsh gaze and Anya's response is bitterly sarcastic.

"Well you haven't left the house since you got here and the only other person it could possibly be is _Abby_." She quirks an eyebrow again, mischief lingering at her lips and sparkling her eyes as she asks, "well sis? Have you got an older lady kink?"

"No! No- it's not- I mean-" she buries her face in her hands with a pained groan and after a moment Anya's hand lands on her back, rubbing soothingly.

"At ease, soldier. This isn't an interrogation."

"Were we so obvious?" The words are muffled between her fingers, but Anya still seems to understand.

"I wasn't sure until the hickey. But I think I'm the only one who's seen that, plus... I'm a little psychic." When Lexa peers through the cage of her fingers, she can see that Anya is smirking at her, all gentle humour and easy, unassuming eyes and she eases herself slowly back up to look at her older sister, speaking tentatively.

"You're not... mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" Anya blinks at her, genuinely confused by her question, "Clarke's great, I'd happily have her as a sister in law."

"Ugh," Lexa reaches out a hand to push at her when she laughs again and slumps back into the comforter on her back, eyes fixed to the intricate, hand carved light fixture.

The bed shifts beside her and she turns to see Anya leaning back on the bed beside her, hands resting over her stomach calmly and she's grateful that her sister remains quiet, staring up at the ceiling as she waits for Lexa to speak.

"You can't tell anyone." The words escape her rushed and panicked and Anya nods once.

"Okay." A beat of quiet. "Why not?"

"It's... complicated." Lexa can't stand to look at her, can't face the anxious eyes that watch her and instead swallows so heavily that it's almost painful. "I can't... it's not serious and she doesn't want anyone to know. Something about her mom."

"I see," Anya's lips are downturned, her voice quietly concerned and Lexa turns to look at the girl intently.

"It's not the same as Costia."

"If you say so," Anya's lips are still pulled together, but otherwise her face doesn't give any indication of her thoughts, a blank slate.

"Seriously," she turns onto her side, resting her arm beneath her head to look at the girl. "Costia was... she wasn't ready to be out of the closet but Clarke is worried about her mom's feelings. Anyway, this isn't anything _real,_ just sex."

"Are you sure?" Anya turns her head to look at her, lips pursed with worry. "I just... can't see you like that again Lex."

The affectionate name softens Lexa's expression and she smiles, "thank you for worrying but this isn't like that was. I won't go back to that place, I promise. Clarke and I, we're just... having fun."

"We both know you're not very good at just having fun." Anya reaches out to touch her arm gently and Lexa swallows, throat bobbing guiltily as she tears her eyes away from her sister.

"I have to be, An. What we have now is good. I can't be the one to fuck that up."

"Loving someone-" At Lexa's indignant glance, she backtracks and corrects herself, "fine, _liking_ someone isn't wrong Lexa. It's not a weakness."

"I can't." She tears herself abruptly away from Anya's touch, sitting up so suddenly that it jostles Molly, who jumps from the bed in fright and scampers from the room. Lexa watches her go, runs a hand through her tangled hair and can't meet Anya's gaze when her sister gets up more slowly. "What we have now is good. I won't lose it."

"Well," Anya stands, hand brushing over the tense fingers in Lexa's hair gently, "in case you decided you did want something more, Christmas is coming up and jewellery is always nice."

She is gone before Lexa can form a response and when Lexa falls back into the bed with a huff of frustration, she is grateful to hear the pattering of claws against the wooden floor in the hallway, followed moments later soft, curly fur brushing against her arms and the dip of the bed.

\---

"You're working too hard," Clarke leans a hip against the doorframe, looking at her with a cocked eyebrow and Lexa startles at the sound, cursing softly when her pen skitters across the paper.

"You've ruined my notes," she grumbles, placing the paper to the side and reluctantly marking her place in her books when Clarke edges closer into the room. Her eyes are drawn uncontrollably to the plunging neckline of the top she's wearing, the swell of the girl's breasts peeking out, before darting guiltily back to her eyes. Clarke's small smirk is enough to tell her that she's noticed Lexa's blatant ogling and she hurries to speak, to distract her from the flush on her cheeks. "Why are you _still_ wearing that?"

Clarke is close enough for her to flip at the dangling pompom of her Santa hat and when Clarke laughs the scent of wine travels over her neck and jawline.

"You love it," Clarke rolls her eyes, sitting heavily half on the bed and half in Lexa's lap.

"You've been drinking," Lexa counters and the blonde rolls her eyes.

"Only a little. You need to come downstairs, my mom is out until tomorrow morning and we're having a party."

"What kind of party?" Lexa can't help but reach out and tangle a curl of golden hair over her finger, tugging on it gently and Clarke eases closer.

"A fun kind. Drinks, friends, dark corners." She presses a kiss to the corner of Lexa's lips and her eyes dart nervously to the open door.

"Clarke, I have to study."

"You've been studying forever, you're going to be fine." Her lips travel down over Lexa's jawline and dance across the tender skin of her neck, running a shiver through her. "Just come and have some fun Lex."

"I... I'm not sure this is a good idea Clarke." Despite her words, however, she's sliding from the bed, pushing her books off her lap and leaving them scattered along the comforter as Clarke's laughter sends hit breath skittering across her bare skin.

"Sure."

Lexa eyes her for a moment, swallowing heavily as Clarke's fingers dance over the hem of her sweater, sliding beneath the wool to skim her knuckles over warm skin. "Fine," she relents at last and if she's a little breathless Clarke does her the courtesy of ignoring it, "one drink."

\---

One drink, unsurprisingly, turns into several. They sit around, slumped against each other and over the couches, watching the increasingly escalating game of truth or dare play out between Clarke and Raven. Everyone else has given up; Lexa lies back on Anya, her feet in her lap and her head resting against the cushions, close to Clarke's where she sits on the floor.

Anya had long declared herself too old for this bullshit and Lincoln had swiftly agreed. Lexa had played for a few rounds, but as the dares became more and more ridiculous and the truths became more and more telling she had tapped out and endured their teasing for a round or so, until they grew bored. Octavia had been the next to go, claiming her place in Lincoln's lap in the loveseat and when Lexa glances over at them their faces are pressed close together as they whisper.

Bellamy had finally heaved himself up from the floor when Raven dared him to sit naked in the snow for a whole minute and had stomped away grumbling about blue balls, but soon returned with more booze from the kitchen and settled into the armchair to watch them with a smile.

Now Lexa lounges back against the cushions, her fourth drink balanced on her stomach and cuts between watching Raven and Clarke's game to watching Anya watch her girlfriend. There is a small smile lingering on her sister's lips and she wonders silently whether that's how she looks when she thinks of Clarke, before shaking the idea from her head.

"Truth or dare?" Clarke demands when she has fiercely slammed the shot glass filled with some strange concoction of sauces from the kitchen onto the table. Even Raven is grimacing, but Clarke is stony faced and almost amusingly serious in her pursuit of victory. The bottle they had been spinning lies abandoned beneath the coffee table and Clarke is drinking a hearty mixture of vodka and lemonade like it's water.

"Truth." Raven's elbows rise to rest on the table and she fixes Clarke with a taunting grin, sliding the bottle of beer between her hands.

"Fine," Clarke doesn't even have to think, "fuck, marry or kill: Octavia, Bellamy and Lincoln."

Anya guffaws and Raven casts her a glare that turns into a smirk and Lexa knows instinctively that they are missing some sort of inside joke, evident in the twinkle in the eyes of the two girls.

"Easy," Raven points a finger at Octavia, who has dragged herself away from Lincoln long enough to listen to the answer with a broad grin. "Fuck O, because she's hot." She winks sloppily at Octavia and the girl throws her hair over her shoulder in a show of fake bravado, "marry Lincoln, because he's a teddy bear and would make me pancakes."

"Chocolate chip," Lincoln promises and when Raven blows him a kiss Octavia slaps a hand against his chest indignantly.

"Hey! That's our thing!"

Lincoln leans forwards to kiss the grimace off her face and when Octavia's arms wrap happily around his neck Lexa feels a thrill of hot jealousy.

Raven cringes at their display of affection, reaching up to slap sympathetically at Bellamy's leg above her. "Guess I have to kill you, sorry Bell."

Bellamy just rolls his eyes, grunting "I'm used to it Reyes."

"Right, my go." Raven doesn't waste a moment, fixing Clarke with a challenging smirk. "Truth or dare, Griffin?"

"Dare." Clarke's eyes narrow and Anya muttersm quietly.

"This is ridiculous."

"Shut up, you." Raven waves a hand at her without looking, pursing her lips consideringly before finally saying, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "I dare you to give Lexa a lap dance."

There's only silence for a second and Lexa sees Clarke's body go stiff before Octavia snorts loudly, howling with mirth and Bellamy chuckles, cocking an eyebrow at Clarke to see how she will react. Lexa can feel her cheeks going red, the hot blush creeping up her neck to lay claim to her skin and Anya's stifled laughter into her hand is not helping in the slightest. She feels slightly lightheaded from the drink in her lap and she reaches out to drain it, letting the alcohol burn her throat as Clarke turns up to look at her.

"That's not fair, Raven," she's still looking at Lexa as she speaks, examining her curiously, "I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable."

"She's not," Raven scoffs, shaking her head as she peers up at Lexa, "are you Lex?"

"Um." It's all Lexa can say before Clarke, glowering at Raven, stands abruptly and grabs Lexa by the hand to drag her up from the couch. Bellamy hoots in appreciation, still laughing, and Anya whistles softly despite Lexa's furious gaze as Clarke grabs a chair and places it a few steps away from their circle, pushing Lexa non-too-gently down into it.

"Fine. Watch and learn, Reyes."

Then, suddenly, she is close to Lexa. Her breath flickers down Lexa's bare neck and over her cheek as she leans in the press a soft, affectionate kiss to her skin. A small smile, reassuring but clearly intoxicated and then Clarke is almost straddling her and her hands come to rest on the back of Lexa's chair so that her cleavage is swinging tantalizingly close to Lexa's eyes. Her hips roll once, a strong, seductive movement and Lexa feels as if she may break the chair, so strong is her grip on the base.

Clarke rotates her hips again, using one hand to push her hair over one shoulder and expose her neck and collarbone. Her next roll is accompanied by the brush of denim clad thighs against her own and Lexa jolts at the contact, her breath coming heavily. A soft laugh from Clarke and then the blonde is turning.

Her ass lands in Lexa's lap, though her feet and legs still support most of her weight and she presses her head back against Lexa's shoulder as she grinds back into her and Lexa's mouth drops open in surprise. Clarke notices her reaction, a smile twitching at her lips as she repeats the motion, letting out a high, over stated moan as she continues and her hands dart down to Lexa's. With ease, they pull her fingers away from the chair and guide them up to slide over Clarke's hips and stomach. It's only when her fingers brush Clarke's bra that she whimpers and Anya covers her eyes, turning away to shake her head.

"No! Okay, no way! Too weird, that's my little sister."

Clarke laughs loudly, her persona breaking in a heartbeat as she drops Lexa's hands and stands, offering a palm to Lexa as she tries to gather her senses. When she first stands her legs feel like jelly, shaking and unsteady and she swallows when she thinks of Clarke body, so warm and close and soft. Her eyes linger on the blonde, fingers curling in her hand to keep her close for a few seconds longer.

She's not sure whether it's the alcohol or the lapdance talking, but she knows she has to get Clarke in a dark corner as soon as possible.

\----

They've shed most of their clothes by the time Lexa's knees hit the bed. She is gasping, searching for breath between the fervent press of Clarke's lips against her own and yet the thought of pushing her away is infallible, impossible. Clarke is the air she needs to breathe, the warmth to grow and the water to parch her thirst and being separated from her is unimaginable.

She struggles for a moment with the blonde's bra when she manages to snake her fingers around the girl's back. It's embarrassing because she'd like to think she knew what she was doing with these by now, but evidently not and she grunts in frustration when she is forced to pull back from Clarke's lips to examine the contraption.

"It hooks at the front," Clarke breathes messily in her ear and she hears her heart thud even as her hands flick around to unsnap the bra. It is thrown far way across the room and her fingers brush over the swell of each breast reverently as she leans in the kiss Clarke soundly and whisper against her lips.

"I've never seen it before."

"New," Clarke manages between panted breaths, "thought you'd like it."

"Better than the purple one?" She grunts in surprise when firm hands push her back onto the bed and then groans, pressing her head back into the comforter as Clarke unbuttons her jeans and begins to peel them away from her legs.

"Of course."

Her jeans are down to her thighs.

"What about the blue one?" The jeans disappear over her feet and Clarke clambers back up to glare at her.

"Nothing is better than the blue one."

Lips on hers cut off Lexa's reply and she gives herself willingly to Clarke's touch, lets her fingers scrape benignly over the curve of the blonde's waist and the crook of her hips as Clarke's lips move to the corner of her mouth, the line of her jaw and down to the tender skin of her neck. Teeth nip and Lexa whines softly, fingers tightening over Clarke's skin even as the blonde's tongue flickers out to run over the injury, sucking just slightly until the soothing touch is sure to leave a dark purple bruise.

Lexa whimpers again and pushes at her waist even as her hips buck and struggle to rise, fingers quivering against Clarke's skin. The blonde's eyes open and she detaches her lips from Lexa's neck with one final kiss, hovering above her to smile coyly, cocking an eyebrow.

"Stop being such a baby."

"Everyone will know," despite her words she aches for Clarke's touch again, aches for the press of her lips and it's a struggle not to throw her chin back and invite Clarke to create a checkerboard of evidence across her collarbones.

"Do you care?" Clarke challenges her, snatching her answer away with a kiss that yanks the air from her chest as her fingers dance down the flat planes of Lexa's stomach and curl over her hips, brushing against soft hair.

Lexa's answer is nothing more than a strained groan, hips that chase her teasing touch and Clarke's deep, throaty laughter sends a haze of desire winding through her. Teeth reappear at her collarbone, as if Clarke can read her mind and she bites sharply in reprimand, ignoring Lexa's needy protests.

"Answer me, Lex."

"Fuck-" The fingers slip down to gather wet heat, to slip through her drenched lips in the faintest echo of the touch Lexa needs and her fingers have travelled up to grab at Clarke's shoulder blades, nails digging in. "Clarke- please-"

"I don't think you do care," The touch disappears and Lexa's complaint is corked in her throat by the sight of Clarke's fingers brushing over the brunette's lips before sliding into her own mouth. Clarke lets out a groan of appreciation and her lips release the soaked digit with a wildly sexy pop, heavily lidded eyes watching her. "You taste delicious."

Lexa's tongue flickers out over her own lip automatically and she tastes heady, heavy sweetness and musk as Clarke begins to descend down her body, taking her nipple between her lips and laving her tongue over the pert bud. Lexa's hands fist in blonde tresses and her body quivers beneath Clarke's expert touch. Her skin feel like electricity, pulsing and hot and each wet touch feel like a spark. Blue eyes rise to lock onto hers and she can't look away, her head held at an awkward angle, mouth slightly open as she sucks in quick, panted breaths in an attempt not to scream out in frustration.

Clarke's lips travel, sliding from her breast to linger over her bellybutton, kissing and nibbling teasingly and laughter quirks at Lexa's lips as she squirms beneath the touch and tugs at Clarke's hair.

"Stop teasing."

Clarke rolls her eyes, lips stretched into a wide, smug smile. "Whatever you say, commander."

The word makes Lexa's squirm again, but in a totally different way and her legs part voluntarily as Clarke slides down to press at them with hot palms and slip hair lips over Lexa's cunt. Her head finally falls back in pleasure, a moan escaping through her lips that makes Clarke let out a muffled giggle, the vibrations shooting straight through Lexa. Clarke's tongue is firm and warm when it darts out through Lexa's lips before falling onto her clit with frightening ferocity.

A high pitched whimper escapes Lexa. She's so wound up, dripping down the insides of her thighs and the slightest touch would be enough to push her over the edge, so Clarke's viscous attack is almost too much.

"Lexa, look at me." She drags her head up, though it's so heavy it feels as if it's made of iron, and blinks down at where Clarke's lips shine up at her. "Stay quiet." Is all Clarke says, before pressing her lips back to where Lexa needs them most.

She's still fairly drunk, so the touch feels ethereal, otherworldly in a way that escapes her understanding. She arches, her back twists and turns in the sheets, as smooth as water and she twists her head to one side, biting at the pillow beneath her head as Clarke does something particularly magical with her talented mouth. One of her hands falls from blonde hair and curls up to grab at the underside of her pillow, folding it up and pressing it against the side of her face as a desperate mewl escapes her.

Clarke's hands slide beneath her thighs, holding them still and steady as Lexa thrashes and she teases, draws her tongue away from the sensitive point of Lexa's clit to circle around it temptingly. Lexa whines again, needy and desperate and bucks her hips into Clarke's mouth before a finger slides over her folds again, gathering wetness. The tip of Clarke's finger edges her opening for just a second before Clarke slides inside and Lexa feels herself clench down, hears the grunt that escapes her between panted breaths. Clarke slides in and out and in again before her tongue fixes back to Lexa's clit and she _sucks_ , her finger curling with frightening accuracy and Lexa knows exactly what she wants.

For all of Clarke's warnings and Lexa's desperate attempts to muffle herself, when she comes she throws her mouth open in a silent scream and freezes but for the shuddering shocks running through her. Blissful, wonderful white heat explodes through her and her breath catches in her throat as she quivers and quakes and her hand tightens painfully in Clarke's hair.

\----

Later, so much later, when they are sure to have been missed but Lexa can't bring herself to care, she lounges with Clarke's head against her shoulder, tracing the lines of her ribs. Her fingers pace up and down, counting them in the comfortable silence that stretches between them and Lexa is content to bathe in the hormones slipping through her bloodstream and the lingering alcohol that accompanies them. Clarke's hair is pressed against her jaw and she can smell the soft, comforting scent of her shampoo, and with the warmth of the girl at her side she is close to sleep, despite the chill of her exposed, sweat slicked skin.

"Hey," Clarke breaks the silence, not tearing her eyes up from where her fingers continue idly tracking Lexa's upper body, "did you remember to buy your uncle a birthday card?"

"Fuck," she frowns, tightening her grip a little on the girl, "no. "

Clarke clicks her tongue disapprovingly and twists to look at her a little more easily, smiling wryly, "dumbass, his birthday is in two days. Luckily for you, I _knew_ you would forget so there's one in my room, just in case."

"Really?" Her eyes spark with relief and she crushes Clarke closer against her body, pressing a grateful, euphoric kiss to her lips, "you're perfect."

"I know," Clarke laughs against her lips, swinging herself up until she's straddling Lexa's body and the brunette's hands come to rest at her hips, blonde hair creating a curtain to protect them from the rest of the world. She ducks her head, lips darting from Lexa's nose to the corner of her mouth as she murmurs, "you're lucky to have me, really."

"I am." She answers without thinking, her voice and eyes soft as she stares up at the girl hovering over her and she sees Clarke swallow just a little.

"You're not meant to admit it," she teases softly, the pad of her fingers tracing the curve of Lexa's jaw delicately and Lexa reaches up to push blonde hair over one shoulder and admire the elegant cursive lines of Clarke's body as she gathers her courage.

"What if I... wanted to?"

"What are you talking about?" Clarke shifts up a little bit, one hand going to touch lightly at Lexa's shoulder to balance and her brows are creased, forehead furrowed in confusion.

Lexa swallows, eyes darting from one corner of the room to the next, unable to settle of the beautiful woman in front of her as she says, voice cracking just slightly. "I like you. As... more than just a... fuck buddy." The words feel uncomfortable on her tongue and she hesitates, rolling them around her mouth before hurrying blindly onwards. "I like hanging out with you, I like laughing with you. And I want to be able to hold your hand and take you out for coffee and kiss you on your doorstep."

Clarke is frozen above her, wide eyed and startled and when she speaks it is with a forced, stilted amusement, "I didn't know you were into voyeurism, Lexa."

The joke falls flat and dead between them and Lexa turns away, swallowing rapidly against the growing panic in her throat and shifting her hips until Clarke is forced to slide off and away from her.

"You know what I mean." The words are a whisper, tentative and heartbroken.

"Lexa... Lex, please look at me." The hand on her chin tilts her face, encourages her to turn and meet blue eyes torn with uncertainty and she can't help but rush on, justify herself.

"I've done this closeted thing before Clarke and I can't go back there. Just ask Anya, I was a mess, I almost dropped out of school- fell in with the wrong people- smoked so much weed I was barely coherent and I can't-"

"Lexa." Clarke's voice is sharp and quick, cutting her off before she can ramble herself into a panic attack. "Calm down, listen to me. Focus on my voice." She just manages to nod, catching her unsaid words with her tongue and keeping them close to her heart. "I'm out. That's not the problem."

“Then what… What _is_?” Lexa swallows, she can feel her heart pumping in her chest and her skin feels hot and tingling.

Clarke eyes her for a moment, her mouth set in a thin, uncertain line until she finally says, her voice low. “My dad died less than a year ago.”

The words fall heavily between them, a sudden silence settling and Lexa blinks and struggles for words. Clarke’s eyes are fixed on a spot somewhere just past her head and Lexa can see her grinding her jaw.

“I don't… when we first got together I wanted to feel better. I was spiralling a bit.” Clarke falls back against the bed, lies flat on her back and stares at the ceiling and Lexa shifts to look at her. She feels as if the gap between them stretches wide, pushing them away from each other. “It was hard, my mom seemed so determined to just carry on as normal.”

“You… you never mentioned it,” Lexa curses the words the moment she says them, rushes to correct herself. “I just mean… I never would have pushed this.”

“I didn’t want to think about it.” Clarke rolls the corner of the comforter between her fingers. “At first this was definitely just a distraction but… I’m dealing with it. Slowly.” Her eyes flicker up to meet Lexa’s, cheeks heating, “and this is more to me now that just some coping mechanism.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa shakes her head, can’t help but reach over and touch at Clarke’s shoulder gently. “Really, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No,” Clarke leans into her touch, gives her a wry smile. “I think you deserve to know. My mom is still hurting over him being gone and I… I feel like coming home with a new relationship would just be rubbing it in her face. I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” Lexa’s thumb circles over her bare skin and she hesitates over her words, “so… you do like me?

“Oh Lexa,” Clarke tumbles forwards, pressing a half giggling kiss to her lips, “of course I do, you idiot.” She brushes Lexa’s hair back, cradles her cheek. “But you don’t have to wait for me. I don’t expect you to… you know… stop seeing other people or whatever. You deserve more than this mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” Lexa’s hands circle her waist, draw her back on top of her. “And for now you’re all I want.” Their lips meet again and Lexa can feel Clarke smiling.

\---

“Do you really have to go Lexa?” Octavia whines from across the kitchen, peering at Lexa over the top of the tray of sausage rolls she’s carrying.

Lincoln steps in to take the piled tray from her hands before she drops them and gives Lexa a smile as he passes, pausing where Lexa is neatly wrapping cutlery with paper napkins at the kitchen table. “Yeah, you’re the only semblance of calm in this madhouse, even Anya has turned to the dark side.”

“Hey!” Lincoln artfully dodges the bread roll Anya launches his way, grinning at Lexa’s sister as he escapes into the living room. “That’s not fair,” Anya grumbles and Raven curls an arm around her waist, squeezing comfortingly.

“I know babe, but just accept it. You’re one of us now.”

“I am not!” Anya squawks in protest, turning to Lexa for support and Lexa’s eyes drag slowly from her flashing Christmas sweater to the antlers askew on her head.

“This isn’t the point,” Octavia puts in, falling into the seat opposite Lexa. “I want you to stay Lex! We all do, you’re one of the family now! You’re even wearing a Christmas sweater!”

Lexa tugs self consciously at her sweater, half shrugging. “Clarke insisted. Anyway, I can’t intrude on Abby for Christmas, I don’t really belong here.”

“Of course you do!” Octavia shakes her head, bewildered, “Just as much as Anya doess!”

“Abby would be happy to have you,” Raven adds, a small smile twitching at her lips. “You and Clarke get on so well, she’d be happy to-” She cuts herself off abruptly when Anya elbows her and Lexa’s brows crease as she looks between them.

“Yes but all of their relatives are flying in today. Abby needs to room.”

“You can stay with Clarke,” Octavia says bluntly, frowning when Lexa’s cheeks heat and Raven lets out a small scoff. “Surely it would-”

“What are you guys talking about?” Clarke saunters in, her santa hat propped atop golden curls and leans over Lexa to snag a cheese skewer.

“I’m trying to make Lexa stay,” Octavia watches as Clarke leans against the back of Lexa’s chair. “These two are being crazy unhelpful, but you want her to stay don’t you?”

“Of course,” Clarke squeezes Lexa’s shoulder softly and when Lexa’s eyes slide up she finds Clarke’s expression soft. “But we’ll see her again I’m sure.”

“I need to get back to study,” Lexa rises before she can do something stupid, like pull Clarke into her lap and kiss her senseless. “But I’m staying for the party.”

Octavia humphs, but Lexa doesn’t stay to listen to the rest of her grouching as she gathers two handfuls of cutlery wraps and makes her way to the living room. It is bedecked in even more festive cheer, garlands covering every wall, mistletoe hanging in the corner and lights on every surface. The furniture has been pushed back against the walls to make room for the guests and the table where she and Clarke had played scrabble is already groaning under the weight of food. She deposits the cutlery in a wicker basket at the end of the table and looks over at where Bellamy is affixing the last garland to the wall and Abby is anxiously plumping cushions. Lincoln is opening a bottle of champagne in preparation for the guests.

“You’re very brave to stay for the Griffin Christmas Eve party Lexa,” Abby crosses the room to stand beside her and Lexa smiles faintly.

“I’m sure it will be great.”

“I hope you’re ready to be put in the spotlight,” Abby grins, reaching out to briefly touch her arm, comforting. “Clarke is something of the darling of the family, they’re very protective of her.”

Lexa frowns, opens her mouth to pursue Abby with questions, but Abby is distracted by Octavia tottering in under the weight of two huge platters of food.

“Oh my goodness, Octavia! Where are they going to _go_?”

\---

“And what are you going to _do_ with a degree in political science?” Clarke’s second aunt peers at her suspiciously and Lexa feels her cheeks blaze under the inquisition.

It’s the third time she’s been accosted by a family member she’s sure shouldn’t know her and questioned about herself. Clarke’s family are intense to say the least and she’s beginning to wonder if she could grab her bags and make a speedy escape halfway through the party.

“Well,” Lexa struggles, “international relations is very interesting. Or the media and politics, that’s an area-”

“Yes but _what job_?” Clarke’s second aunt is ruthless, cutting through her without mercy and Lexa gapes at her.

“I suppose… maybe working with the UN? Or in journalism? Or in government?” She rambles, trying desperately to catch Anya’s eye.

“I don’t _trust_ the government,” Clarke’s aunt intones and Lexa hums softly. Anya meets her gaze from where she’s leaning against the back of a couch, talking to Abby and Raven and gives her a smirk, shaking her head.

“Lexa!” The figure appears at her side like an angel, hooking fingers around her arm and drawing her away. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, sorry Aunt Martha, I have to borrow her for a moment.”

The wicked aunt melts away at the sight of Clarke, beaming and nodding. “Of course dear!”

“Come on,” Clarke mutters, dragging her through the crowds of relatives, dodging questions with smiles and waves and promises to return in a moment until they emerge into the hallway.

“Oh my god,” Lexa collapses against the bannister, “your family are _insane_ Clarke, I’ve been asked so many questions I barely know who I am any more!”

“Sorry,” Clarke laughs quietly, tugging at her hand to draw her back up again. “I don’t know what’s come over them, but I have the perfect cure.” She produces an open bottle of champagne from behind her back, smiling mischievously.

Lexa eyes it doubtfully for a moment, “I shouldn’t… I have to travel soon.”

“Well sure,” Clarke smile turns innocent, swinging the bottle in her fingers. “If we don’t stay out here we could go back in there, I think Grandpa Joe has some beautiful vacation pictures to show us.”

Lexa laughs, stealing the bottle from Clarke’s fingers as she tries to turn back to the living room. “ _Fine_ ,” At Clarke’s laugh she shakes her head, smiling fondly. “You’re a monster Griffin.”

Clarke only grins at her, watching as she takes a swig from the bottle before taking it from her, drinking calmly as Lexa attempts to contain the bubbles fizzing in her nose.

“I’m glad you stayed for the party,” Clarke tells her softly, when Lexa reaches out to take the bottle again and Lexa allows herself a more controlled sip.

“Me too, despite your relatives,” She smirks and Clarke rolls her eyes, tapping her shin gently with her foot. “I’m only kidding,” Lexa placates her as she takes another gulp, “it must be so nice to have so much of your family around. I’m kind of jealous.”

“It is nice,” Clarke’s smile is tinted with sadness and Lexa touches her elbow, carefully drawing her away from her thoughts. Clarke’s smile brightens when her eyes land back on the brunette. “My family are well meaning, some of them are nice. Grandma Fi, Uncle Marcus.”

“I’m sure they are,” Lexa can’t keep the fond smile from her face and when Clarke edges closer she lets her lean into the cradle of their hips so that their faces are close enough that she could reach out and kiss her.

“I wish you were staying,” Clarke’s confession comes in a whisper and Lexa’s stomach twists at the words, longing sliding like warm wine through her veins and perhaps it is that, or perhaps it is the champagne that makes her drop her head to rest against Clarke’s shoulder and admit.

“Me too.”

A beat of silence passes, in which she hears Clarke suck in a sharp burst of air. Her next words seem to sit tentatively beneath them, like a skater on fragile ice.

“Then stay. Please.”

The soft pleading makes Lexa raise her head, meeting Clarke’s eyes uncertainly. “I shouldn’t. I need to keep studying and… your mom, people will realise if I stay here.”

“I don’t _care_.” Before she knows what’s happening, Clarke surges towards her, pressing Lexa back into the banister as she catches her lips in a wet, hot kiss. She breaks away and leaves them both gasping, her fingers sliding gently over Lexa’s cheeks. “Really. I want you here Lexa, please stay with me.”

“The risk…” Her argument crumbles like Christmas cookies under Clarke’s tender touch and soft eyes.

“Screw the risk.” Clarke’s eyes slide up and her lips tilt into a wry smile. “If anyone sees us, we’ll just blame it on the mistletoe.”

Lexa follows her gaze and sees the delicate white blooms above them, waxy leaves spreading out like hands. Clarke’s breath is hot against her cheek, tempting and smelling faintly of champagne and Lexa is torn with indecision.

“Did you know mistletoe is actually poisonous? It can cause vomiting and stomach pain and-”

“Lexa.” Clarke cuts through her, drawing her attention back down to the beautiful girl beside her. Clarke’s eyes are dancing with mirth, plump lips wet and grinning. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Lexa’s arms wind around her waist and she gathers Clarke close to herself, their lips meeting in a tender touch. Fingers curl into her hair, tracing soft patterns at the back of her neck and she lets her palms greedily follow the curve of Clarke’s hips. She wants to be as close to her as possible, wants to feel her touch for hours to come and smell her perfume under her skin. Clarke’s nose brushes gently against hers, lips opening to probe for Lexa’s tongue when a noise from the living room doorway makes them startle apart.

“Guys…”

They jump back from one another, spinning to look and Lexa prays that the ground will open up beneath her when she sees Abby, Octavia, Anya and Raven in the doorway, staring at them.

“Ah, they came up for air.” Raven remarks wryly, cocking an eyebrow at them and Lexa wonders if her cheeks could possibly burn _off_ under such intense embarrassment.

“We were just-”

“The mistletoe-” Lexa puts in hopelessly and they are met with four unbelieving glances.

“Maybe not out in the hall, hm Clarke?” Abby raises her eyebrows at her daughter and Lexa thinks that Clarke may actually shrink into the floor.

“Mom, I-”

“Come on, if you’re both here you can help us get more supplies for the party.” Abby breezes past them and Lexa is left to follow obediently in Clarke’s wake into the kitchen.

There, she finally finds her voice. “Mrs. Griffin I’m so sorry, we didn’t mean for you to-”

“No, I bet you didn’t dear,” Abby casts her a smile over her shoulder, full and genuine. “But we’ve all been there, don’t worry.”

“But I mean… mom, Lexa and I had just had too much to drink,” Clarke lingers anxiously next to her mother, casting worried glances at Lexa as the other three bustle around the kitchen collecting platters. “It wasn’t anything serious.”

“Honey,” Abby places a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and gives her a bemused smile. “I don’t mind that you brought your girlfriend here over Christmas, I just think you should _tell people_ if you’re going to kiss in the hallway. It would give Grandpa Joe an awful fright with no warning.”

“We _are not_ -”

“Lexa isn’t my girlfriend!”

Abby pauses, looking between the two of them in surprise and Lexa’s stomach sinks before she even opens her mouth. “Of course she is, why else would she be here?”

“My- my dorm was water damaged, Anya…” Lexa trails off, glancing back at her sister for support, but Anya’s wide eyes show that she has no idea what’s going on either.

“But you two are together?” Octavia gathers the new tray of cut vegetables and hummus into her hands, frowning at them.

“We’re _not_!”

“Well you certainly act like you are,” Raven puts in, with a sardonic twist of her lips. “You weren’t fooling anyone guys.”

“We- we weren’t?” Lexa looks helplessly around the room and receives shaking heads, collapsing back against the counter as Octavia and Raven file past her.

Anya pauses next to her and laughs, ruffling her hair, “Chin up, A for effort.”

“I don’t understand,” Abby watches Anya’s retreating back with confusion, eyes spinning from Lexa to Clarke. “You were pretending? Why? I thought you just weren’t ready to label it.”

“I… Mom I just wasn’t sure how to tell you,” Clarke admits quietly. “What with dad and all… it felt insensitive.”

“Oh,” Abby’s face softens, saddens slightly, but she reaches out to draw Clarke closer, resting reassuring hands on her arms. “Clarke, sweetie, of course not. I want you to be happy and dad would be thrilled to know you’ve found someone so kind and smart,” She casts Lexa a smile.

“This doesn’t make you sad?” Clarke’s voice is so small that Lexa’s heart aches.

“The opposite,” Abby promises, quietly, “I’m so happy to see you happy.” Her attention turns to Lexa and she reaches out to invite her closer, taking Lexa’s hand in hers and addressing her. “Thank you for making my Clarke smile again, Lexa.”

“Any- anytime.” Is all she manages and Abby smirks between the two of them.

“But you need to work on your subterfuge girls, hopefully you won’t need to sneak around anymore.” She releases them both, stepping back and Lexa is drawn inescapably to Clarke’s side, their hands finding each other like magnets, fingers tangling.

Clarke gives her a small, dazed sort of smile and Lexa squeezes her fingers to resist kissing her beautiful mouth.

“Oh and Lexa?” Abby pauses at the doorway, drawing their eyes back to her. “You’d better stay for Christmas now.”

“I will.” The beam that spreads across her face is so wide her cheeks hurt.

\---

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done! Sorry for the delay, hope this soothes the hearts of people who read the last chapter on a hand to hold onto!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! If there's interest I'll finish this off with a few more chapters, as long as you guys are happy to keep reading Christmassy things for a few days. Happy holidays to you all, whatever you celebrate!


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